well, all i have to say is...
ggglittersoresss: night night, precious-life
bluscluroxmywrld: awww night doll
no wait, there's more.
wisconsin was good.
lindsay was better.
coming home was good, though, too.
chad was scared of my vagina?
i smoked weed with wade!!!
and i can start working after the 10th.
skiing was neat and a half, also.
now it's time for pizza,
BITCHES!
Princess at 1:18 AM
i got off work at 11
so that i could come home and cuddle with him
BUT HE ISN'T AT HOME!!!!
hours wasted,
and not even any love.
*sighsighsigh*
ps we are NOT broken up.
because this, of course,
is the NEVERENDING legacy of stella and prince charming,
thus never coming to an end.
i have weed!
katy will be here in less than two hours.
i probably won't write in here until after new years,
then.
*shrug*.
i'm staying over at lindsay's tomorrow,
and so far that is the only agenda.
better be street if you're looking at me,
i need a soldier that ain't scared to stand up for me.
GOT TO KNOW TO GET DOUGH
and he's gotta be street.
Princess
at 11:44 AM
i slept less than two hours.
all night i stared at the cell phone,
the alarm clock.
thinking about how good my day almost was.
thinking about him.
trying to calm down my fucking heart,
which is still beating at an ungodly rate.
i "fabricated" a bad mood into him.
i ruined everything.
my vacation is ruined already.
and i will come back home to nothing.
yes, thank you,
i'd like to order five servings of
shotintheface.
Princess
at 6:06 AM
i ruined christmas.
we're broken up.
and he doesn't want to see me before i leave.
i've just been staring at the phone for an hour
wishing it would ring.
but it won't,
i ruined everything and
the only thing i accomplished this christmas was
making him absolutely not like me.
i now have nothing to live for.
Princess
at 1:11 AM
a1JOBE: good, haha..i saw my grandpa tonight
a1JOBE: you probably know him
a1JOBE: jean renault
a1JOBE: hes retired...but he subs at perry for fun
how awesome at life is that?
I GOT A NEW PIECE.
it is just beautiful.
lindsay picked it out for me at obediah's,
and it is perfect and a half.
pink and lovely.
its name is the butterfly.
chad came up with the name.
speaking of which,
chad is really precious at life.
all i want for christmas is him.
Princess
at 1:23 AM
i'm all dressed up and
sexysexysexy.
this morning i worked 6-7:45
and then went over to chad's.
last night, there was a big fat confrontation
(phone-style)
where it was resolved that i was going to take my fetus paintings
and get out of his life
but then after we hung up he called back
to say he loved and needed me.
this morning i went to his house when i got off,
and everything was great.
i love him.
Princess
at 2:02 PM
today was pretty gay.
he's perfect,
i love him,
but i just want him to quit fucking with my security.
Princess
at 10:26 PM
no-
you don't even UNDERSTAND.
i love my boyfriend MUY MUCHO GRANDE.
"it's like kissing a joint!!!"
i'm going tomorrow with pablo
to get a new piece
and then i'm going to get hellafied weed
and then i'm taking it to wisconsin
and then i'm going to
SMOKE THE FUCK OUT.
today i got a B+ on my speech final
and an A on my art final.
i tried to bring home all my semester's work
but i RUINED
my very best piece somehow,
the one with chad and my hands.
i fucking suck.
in addition,
i want to marry chad.
Princess
at 10:24 PM
i got home from work at
12:31
last night, and i did not like this very much.
shawna showed up at
9:02, and it was good to see her.
i haven't in almost a year.
she's having a great life in texas
up at super-christian-brainwash-academy,
so i'm glad.
she learned how to play guitar
and played me some beautiful god-songs she wrote,
and we saw napoleon dynamite (again)
(which comes out on dvd at work TODAY!).
she was just like glowing with content,
how beautiful.
i'll see her again when she comes back
next thanksgiving,
heh.
i bought a belt and a hat at work last night,
and two wristbands.
chad was supposed to call me..
one minute ago.
so now i'm going to go dance to some ludacris in my room
while i wait.
IF YOU GOT SOME BIG TITTIES AND A MATCHIN ASS,
WON'T YOU GET ON THE FLO???
Princess
at 4:22 PM
today was ultraweird.
i'm under the influence of some heavy ambien, woah.
he wanted to break up with me,
and so i sobbed in his car in the mall parkinglot for an extended amount of time.
he abosolutely never wanted to speak to me again,
i made him cry.
then suddenly, everything was fine and he loved me and we were in the tent and happy happy happy.
that was the alone time i've been needing with him.
just time to love.
it was good.
especially since all that time i was bawling, i was dying to just throw myself into his arms. then came our saviours
PIGS IN A BLANKETTTT!
and then we loveloveloveloveloveloveloveloved.
tomorrow morning at 9 shawna is coming.
Princess
at 1:33 AM
today was a sad, sad day.
i counted down the minutes every single period,
just waiting to see chad.
he didn't want to see me.
i got literally kicked to the curb.
well, thrown out of the car.
and then i sort of lost my brain for about an hour,
and also i relapsed.
you just can't tell me that i'm
tainted
and then kick me out like that,
i can't handle it.
he called me back like nothing happened.
i was sobbing,
and also covered in blood.
but i'll probably pretend like nothing happened
so that things can go back to normal.
i'd rather pretend that nothing went down, anyway.
Princess
at 3:43 PM
i have eaten less than one meal a day
every day since thursday.
i've just been too upset to want to eat.
chad didn't come and get me this morning.
and when i found him here,
he refused to look at me or say anything except
"this is my candy cane, don't eat it."
then some other girl came by
that he was way more interested in,
being all playful and talking to her and making eye contact
and then proceeded to walk away with her without even saying anything to me.
he thinks that i am a trampy little tramp
and that i am using him for rides.
i just want to love
and be loved.
by chad.
Princess
at 9:49 AM
: but its not everyday i meet a cinderella
Princess
at 1:50 AM
i took a weekend off from my life
and chilled at josh's.
i had a lot of fun and three quarters,
but i wish that chad would get over his little thing
and make up with me already.
the prospect of cheating is one that makes me naseous.
i cleaned a lot more.
Princess
at 1:44 AM
tonight had some pretty bad potential,
but it ended up being pretty fucking cool.
chad dropped me off at josh's suddenly in a huff after work,
and i was worried they wouldn't want me.
but it was great,
and we chilled even when they thought chad wasn't coming back to get me.
and i like josh, also.
monica was super-tired off of some seroquil.
she's got a boyfriend.
excuse me, she's dating someone, now boyfriending him.
chad doesn't like monica,
and i don't understnad why.
how could anyone not like monica?
anyway, i went back to chad's later
and we super-cuddled
and mm
mm
mm.
i can't stop thinking about how cool it will be
TO SEE MY HAYLEE!
i bought a nine dollar bottle of lovespell
at victoria's secret last week
to make everything smell just like her,
to make everything remind me of her beautiful little face.
i made a lot of money at work today,
and HOLY FUCK i was so proud.
plus i rang all day, and didn't make like any mistakes.
i have to work a lot tomorrow,
i don't want to.
but i willlll.
i think i was supposed to get paid yesteryday,
and forgot.
only a few days till wisconsin!!!!
i better go to bed now.
*yawns*
Princess
at 1:31 AM
you know what really boggles my mind?
that the US contains both a
kansas and arkansas
BUT THEY ARE PRONOUNCED COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
dave called last night and said
he just talked to haylee
and that his plan is to carryout
operation haylee seeing tyler!!!!!!
this is a working plan that will work!!!
as soon as he convinces haylee's parents that
he is a bible-pushing jesus freak.
HOT DOGS HOW I LOVE THEEEEEEEE!!!!
it was the best news i've ever heard.
i like my new hair,
it's very pretty.
today in my stocking,
i got mascara, which was a miracle
because i actually needed it and was just about to call my mom and ask her to get me some at target.
but then i burnt my thumb on my straightener while i was opening the mascara,
which made me a little less excited.
for some reason,
all i've had in the past 24 hours
is half a glass of grapejuice.
but i'm very upset,
and therefore food sounds very not-good.
dammit.
i'm going to do some more schoolwork now.
oh yeah, and another reason i was upset yesterday was because
i found out that i got my first B on a speech.
even if it was a group project, even if it was a B+.
I'M REALLY NOT HAPPY.
Princess
at 1:19 PM
i just feel like i'm fucking
the giant rain cloud over everyone's parade,
no matter how hard i try to be
you know, like a little ray of sunshine
i just can't seem to please anyone
or do anything right.
the people at the car-fixer-upper place
found scales in my car
that were not mine
and i'm in big trouble, again.
haylee hasn't written me since friday,
and i've been in horrible pain all week
because my mom didn't want to get my naproxen
even though she could totally take me to get my stupid hair done.
Princess
at 4:06 PM
pads smell like abortions
and i never want to wear one again.
in addition,
i got good eyedrops last night.
Princess
at 1:07 PM
it's not that i haven't had anything to write,
because i most certainly have.
it's that i haven't had the urge to write it.
on sunday night we went to monica's,
and sitting in her room i was like
damn it's nice and clean in here,
my room should be this nice and clean.
so when i got home, i decided that the only solution
was getting rid of 2/3 of my possessions
because fuck those, who needs them anyway?
it was a serious downsize.
8 30-gallon trashbags to goodwill,
ten or so bags of just plain trash.
i'm still not done, either, because i want to get rid of a lot more.
like, at least get rid of a third of what is left in there
and half the leftover clothes.
"the things you own
end up owning you."
this is setting myself free.
yesterday chad told me something
that i was going to put in here,
but i've gotten high five or six times since then.
i don't think he's figured out that i changed this address,
or if he has he hasn't said anythign about it.
the naproxen/antiprox is missing,
and i am in severe need of it.
OWCH.
in the process of cleaning i found
thirty dollars and one cent in change on my floor.
i was thoroughly excited,
because twelve of those dollars were going to be spent
on a new piece
and the rest on christmas presents and then weed,
but yesterday we went to get weed
and chad forgot his wallet
so i paid 20 for just one stupid nug
and smoked all of it (three bowls, ugh) in one sitting with dan.
i was severely annoyed because i told chad not to pack the last bowl,
but he did anyway.
i honestly do not know how i'm going to afford a car.
because obviously,
i can't depend on chad to give me a ride to work everyday
if i get a new job,
and i can't depend on my parents either.
god dammit.
i have seventy three assignments to finish
before december 26th.
hair appointment at 4 today.
yesterday i was supposed to go to school,
but instead chad and i had a personal day
which consisted of sex,
breakfast,
shower,
weed,
and a whole lotta gracious lovin.
i fucking love this boy.
i was imagining my future earlier
and i cannot even picture anything without him.
he is the perfectest little perfection ever produced.
i found a lot of really hilarious poetry in my room.
actually, i found at least
400 old poems in completely random places of my room
to add to the several hundred in their designated place.
my favorites:
"dogma: a declaration of glory's defining defense.
departing with my morbid offspring brings no religious liberty!
those fledglings impede a duty of control
and i leave them to the martyrs.
a kiss goodbye, my foremost democracy."
***
"mirrors-- you cannot lessen my image.
shattered sleep caught dreams in midair.
race your sitting spiders;
celebrity sleep forever reaches out to you.
a beauty which cannot be wrought by rot
ting courageous stanzas;
i've learned what cold is and why you pitch
your fast ball.
break a record, not a heart."
***
satisfy something unseen
(a supernatural confrontation in my amputated consciousness).
believe in my immesurable sin-
poison you with unbearable pleasure.
i curdle the inner wants of Gods,
my tongue spilling active sweat among the cracked Catholics.
she who walks with blood along her face
must bleed only the most erotic crimes."
***
"persistently pressed possibilities,
relentlessly daunted dictating tenacities
somehow incapable of challenging my individuality.
my incompetence always sees me through to faith, and
my inability never fails to catch the attention of cosmic impossibilities.
when dealt secured believers,
i learned to reform hatred to prejudice.
however, hypocrisy was never appealing to me.
now the same powers deal more swiftly,
challenging my hooded capacity
for the adverse.
i teach, i learn.
exalt, expand, exceed."
***
"lace your lies
with my vulnerability.
hole after hole after hole,
thread through with your laces
and tie me up with
the words of my own tonue.
tongue-tied,
laced up with you and your kiss
that's so laced with letters of false love.
kiss my holes."
***
"send me
random signs of innocent affection-
no turn on red,
pedestrian walk.
i'll never fail to be amused by
you adorability.
excuse me,
hard-heartedness xing."
***
"my love worn all around,
splatter painted on them like invisible ink.
now you see it,
now you don't.
don't forget my love for you-
seeping out of my broken heart
like bubble-gum-stick triumph.
blow me off
blow me up...
blow me."
***
"video games absorb
the stunted psyche
in place of its
inspirational literature.
engrave on us
the idocy of which we face,
so wrong.
does no one feel
the death of their free minds?"
***
"including corruptables!"
i put down my cup, frown, and check to see if the other nonexistent guests in the room h ave just heard the news. directing my attention up to the kitchen tv, little football players flying across the screen meet my eye, followed by balls, plates, and a stick of NFL deoderant.
oh. collectibles.
***
i also found letters from nikki.
my favorite reads:
"tyler.
two eyes rhyming,
and i pray i've got
yours
as we force upstream
with the quick people
around us,
but you know
i hate the change
in pace.
movie night at my house
saturday night.
la la la la la la la la la la la la la.
i need a cute skinny boy to
kiss, i'm very lonely.
especially without one.
i'm going to miss mr. french man
in spanish today. i think he needs
to die soon, he's already decaying.
purple skirt becomes
god on a thursday,
for the bed sheets
told me so.
<3nikki."
***
now i'm going to do some laundry.
Princess
at 10:59 AM
i am pipeless,
carless,
and moneyless.
it is a sad world that i currently live in.
so now i'm waiting for the part where my white knight comes to save me,
but he's at school right now.
CHADELY, CHADELY,
WHEREFORE ART THOU CHADELY?
Princess
at 11:30 AM
i'm giving up my life and devoting myself to god.
who knew spiritual awakening actually existed?
Princess
at 3:47 PM
<3veruca salt.
last month on the phone,
haylee told me that she had gotten really into
veruca salt and weezer.
i was like,
awesome.
today i redownloaded limewire,
because fuck my parents,
they're too stupid to figure out that i redownloaded it anyway.
so now i've spent all day
dancing around my house.
it was nice.
chad and i got in this big fight on saturday
because i like christina aguilera,
and he was lecturing me about buying into the pop music industry or whatever.
of course, i was like,
that's stupid because i haven't bought a cd in like two years,
and it's apparent to me that i'm not buying into the pop music industry
but apparently not so apparent to anyone else, i guess.
i was thinking,
two years ago i would've completely agreed with him,
but i think i've gotten to the point where
i honestly just do not fucking care anymore.
if i like listening britney spears or coal chamber or bikini kill,
then i like it and little else changes that now.
who gets credit or who makes the money isn't really important to me anymore.
mainly because i'm not exactly an investor,
but also because i've really lightened up on my prejudice towards
things like popstars or mtv or whatever.
realizing how equally stupid everything else is,
or realizing how everything strives equally hard for an image
be it cool or uncool,
has made me not hate it just because it's a million-dollar industry.
all scenes are mutually exclusive.
my brain has been writing a poem
for three days,
but for some reason i haven't written it out yet.
cory's little goatee is growing out red,
even though all his hair is still blonde.
it makes him look even more like brian,
which is weird.
he came to see me today,
and i enjoyed it.
he quit smoking again, two weeks clean.
this time for good?
probably not.
he bought four pairs of black chucks
because it was a good deal,
which made me laugh.
lala
where is chad?
no one knows.
well, probably the people with him know
and also the people who have talked to him today.
but i am not included in either of those groups,
and therefore
their knowledge is useless.
cory asked me today why it is that we still to this day have never had a fight,
and i didn't really have an answer to that question.
but maybe it's for the same reason that i got bored with him.
fighting with chad sucks,
but i believe we fight because we are in fact
just so passionate.
BURNING PASSION!
Princess
at 2:38 PM
last night
was the most amazing physical experience
i've ever had.
distance issues?
cancel.
i <3 tangerines and electricity.
but most of all i love chad.
it sucks that i'm stuck here until chad comes to get me.
that's a lot of hours from now.
probably like seven.
damn.
if i could leave,
i'd go see the spongebob movie.
Princess
at 8:42 AM
chad,
if you read this before you get out of school today,
GET THE COLLEGE DAY FORMS.
Princess
at 8:42 AM
i have had to pee all day,
but even peeing can't make me feel like
i don't still have to pee.
WHY IS THAT?
IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY STILL BE THAT I HAVE A URINARY TRACT INFECTION COULD IT????
fuck you st. francis lab,
for forgetting to get my stupid test.
and also fuck you dr. gillespy's office,
for cancelling my levaquin order
for some unkown reason.
and thirdly fuck you reproducing bacteria in my urinary tract,
because you
HURT LIKE A BITCH.
whatever.
the agreement, of which we reviewed multiple times,
was for him to call me in the event of him leaving his place of residence.
BUT GUESS WHERE HE'S NOT.
oranges induce sexual vigor.
Princess
at 3:53 PM
haylee says no one at her new school likes her.
except reuben.
haylee says she doesn't think her parents will actually let me see her.
haylee says her mom thinks i am an ungodly person.
haylee says holly said i said haylee needs to get her "heart right with god."
haylee says she can leave the house next weekend,
but only to meet with people she didn't already know.
haylee says sobriety is a bitch.
but that she intends to keep that way.
haylee says she is terrified to get in trouble.
haylee says it's unfair that her sister found things in her room that she couldn't find herself.
haylee says it's unfair that she got caught when she was not really doing anything.
haylee laughed, and giggled with me.
haylee says her mom thinks we makeout hardcore, that she read it in here.
haylee's dad said she liked her new school.
haylee says she got busted for talking to people on the internet.
haylee hates it here.
haylee is miserable.
i miss her painfully.
i forgot to ask if she was excited to move back home with oprah.
she looked so good,
she is so seriously beautiful.
i am in deep desperation for cheese.
SEVERE HUNGER.
also, a breadstick would be nice.
i don't have lunch for more than two hours for now.
maybe i'll just leave again.
i cut out a goat today.
chad and i are having distance issues.
he was very upset with me last night
that i asked him to bring me school this morning,
since my mom was still at work and jerry was taking brandon
and i obviously don't have a car or know where/when my bus is.
i "sprang it on" him "at the last minute."
not that i have ever taken him to school before,
at even a morning's request on a day i didn't even have school.
yet another
"is this really happening?" moment.
yesterday i ate
peppermint briddle, peanuts, and a piece of mushroom pizza.
the day before that, i ate nothing.
today should be the day that i eat a lot.
FOOD!
i had a glass of grapejuice mixed with mountain dew
this morning.
it was good.
but not enough.
all i can think about is haylee.
i had much work to do over the weekend
for speech,
but i didn't feel up to it sunday morning
when i was supposed to meet with rachel.
she called to tell me she was going out of town
with her youth group, anyway.
so i guess we're failing today's grade.
taco bell could be enjoyable right now.
i would enjoy it.
i was searching for vaginal flowers,
and here is what i found:
The-Clitoris.com
... dildo for getting an exciting orgasm through Vaginal or Anal ... love this man!" Since his favorite flowers are orchids ... my vulva became first his orchid, then his ...
ORCHIDS by Karen Traviss
... feel when she had surgeons discussing vaginal hypoplasia and ... odontoglossums in full bloom from the orchid house. ... propagating them for the cut-flower trade, but ...
Heritage Flower Farm 2004 Catalog
... potion from the roots, and cured vaginal yeast infections ... L. spicata as an indication "when the flower is blue ... the Mount Christ spoke "Consider the lilies of the ...
Lily Sweet Poster Print Picture Gallery
... boils Large with Medicinal roots to night vaginal powdered and ... acid ammonia of and a of flowers Bear free ... leaves Page dysentery be to sugar Lily infusion root ...
‘
Edible - Edible Gardening - Vegies, Fruit, Herbs ...
... Set off a flower garden with a lovely climbing rose, add pea vines to a ... lemon - My wife uses fresh lemon for an occasional vaginal wash,diluted with purified ...
Close Reading Example: "The Lady of Shalott"
... single tower is simple in design and surrounded by flowers. ... thro' the room, She saw the water-lily bloom, She ... Um, she's riding in something that looks vaginal. ...
***
weird.
in addition,
"i'm like a skinny emo boyfriend
who wears long underwear
and sleeps in your bed."
also,
"the big horns are BACK!!"
Princess
at 9:47 AM
i totaled my car.
i remember being hungry, and wanting taco bell. but there are calls to and from courtney at 12:20, so i must've been going to meet her somewhere. it's a really big blur to me from the time that i left chad's crying to the second i hit my head and this paisley-printed airbag blew up in my face. i remember coming home and having grape juice. and i'm guessing that was the time i took the ambien. i wrote something in my blog. obviously, i was talking to courtney. i got in my car, i kind of remember that. when did i faint? i don't really know. but waking up was so confusing. i was really fucking fucked up, and in shock. i didn't even get out of the car. but i called chad. because he's always the first person i call, i guess. a man came up and opened my passenger side door and tried to talk to me. i called jerry. people came out of the house. i couldn't talk or move or anything, i was just so bewildered. my mom came, and the police. apparently i was standing in my one spot for three hours. but it only seemed like ten minutes to me. i didn't understand why anyone wasn't mad at me, i was so mad at myself. crying. how did i let my better judgement down and drive when i knew i was fucked up?
chad called me this morning, i guess to bitch me out for calling him last night. he's convinced that i came home and cooked up a scheme to wreck my car in a sort of cry-for-help fashion since we got in a fight last night, and then called him first to freak him out. i guess this is sort of like the jerry beating me instance, when i called him first and he was angry at me. i need to learn to quit calling him when things are going on.
then again, why would i not call him? i obviously look to him first before anyone or anything else, so it makes sense that my first panicky instinct is to get a hold of him. but anyway, this is not even the issue (though apparently it is in his mind). he thinks i came home and got really fucked up in order to wreck my car out of spite. he thinks i railed seven ambien or took five darvocet. he thinks this is all just a big effort to make him feel bad, i guess.
no one else is here, except my sleeping mom, which doesn't count.
my car is gone.
this is ultimate loneliness for the next ten months, having to be here alone all the time.
this is dependence all over again.
this is taking my life back about twenty steps.
this is large amounts of money, this is severe damage.
this is me being more upset with myself than i've been since i found out i was pregnant.
and to add insult to injury, chad called me this morning to yell at me because he thinks i sacrificed my mobility for the next ten months over an hour-long fight.
oh my god.
Princess
at 11:46 AM
he shut me in the black basement.
and i screamed.
Princess
at 11:55 PM
i am like alsmot trippin. '''
it's amazing...'
more apiill time;
i wish we would've had sex.
Princess
at 1:12 AM
the secretary was an amazing movie.
i miss masochism.
Princess
at 1:10 PM
i look so much like my mom that
it scares me.
we were standing next to eachother
in front of the bathroom mirror
and i was like OH MY JESU.
twins.
weird.
*yawn*
i had really good dreams last night,
hilarious ones.
about chad and funny stuff.
oh and from 6-10 i had a dream that
i lived in wisconsin but came here to stay for two weeks
and therefore enrolled in school with jenn,
and we got on a bus afterschool that the driver never showed up for,
so eric guindon got in the driver's seat and
drove recklessly out into the middle of this shady neighborhood
and then got out.
so i drove everyone back to the school,
and when i got there all these school officials
were trying to arrest me
and so i punched someone in the face.
then we ran back to jenn's,
and hung out with her pet ostrich.
some people showed up,
and we had a party in her basement,
and everything was like blue.
then i went home.
WEIRD DREAM.
xtian's screen name is pedro sanchez,
but he still hasn't seen napoleon dynamite.
i was like WHAT?
"F**kin' A:
This was simply the vulgar form of, "I concur". "
^from an explanation on 60's slang.
"hauls ass" is also a featured word.
today will be the bitchinest day
of the entire week.
Princess
at 10:38 AM
man oh man.
brandon's test was intensely tensifying.
but HE GOT HIS BLACK BELT!
he tried for freaking ever to break his last two boards
with this backwards kickey thing
and his foot is huge and swelled
and he was really sick, like he puked all over the floor
but he did it and everyone cried a little, i think.
yay for him,
i'm really proud.
last night joe was here,
drunk and leaving,
telling jerry he was going to
DO ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES!!!
and i was like,
HAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAH
AHAHHAHAHAHA
HAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH.
i don't think he knew i heard.
but i was CRACKING UP.
oh the hilarity.
mm
chad made me severely sad today.
i've got cute sweaters that are
SOFT.
chad was hating on the specialness of the sweaters,
but that would be because he obviously does not know the specialness
of a softey soft sweater.
*orgasm*
dammit,
i was going to remind chad to pick up
college day forms.
BUT I FORGOT.
and god knows where he is now.
tomorrow i get paid!
work saturday morning eight to one.
TGIalmostF.
i've been crying by myself a lot lately.
this has something to do with not taking my welbutrin,
and also something to do with not really having anyone to cry to.
because no one wants to listen to my stupid big baby ass.
"yeah,
she does ambien every day.
that's why SHE's so fucked up."
there exists an "is circumcision ethical?" essay contest
and also an american goat society scholarship.
i wrote things in my sketchbook today,
and i liked them.
but i don't think i'm going to let other people see what i write anymore,
because all my effort is lost that way.
my ramblings mean way more to me than anyone else,
and also no one likes my stupid brain
so therefore the contents of it should not be up for viewing.
i painted my nails pink and sparkly today,
which is my favorite color.
feeling cute on the outside is nice
when you hate everything about yourself internally.
they balance eachother out,
sort of.
this morning i found the cd i made for haylee
on valentine's day,
and i cried.
and then i listened to it all day.
i plan on doing this for a couple more days.
this is going to severely annoy chad.
i dropped my cotton candy lipgloss on my floor somewhere.
WILL I EVER FIND IT AGAIN?
where am i,
twenty four days away from lindsay?
ohmygod.
Princess
at 9:11 PM
"hot european man-shopping."
Princess
at 4:35 PM
ps
"what is your malfunction on the wine?"
Princess
at 1:49 AM
today was a fun day.
a plethora of thoroughly enjoyable events
took place.
i love chad a lot.
Princess
at 1:17 AM